


Reconciliation

by Anonymous



Series: Boyf Reinds [1]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, boyf riends - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-26 13:55:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19769590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Jeremy hurt me. The squip is gone and that’s great and all, but the memories and scars are still there. I’m trying to forgive him, I really am. But It’s hard when there’s something he doesn’t know, another level of hurt. He doesn’t know that I am (or at least was, I honestly don’t know anymore) Irretrievably in love with him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> SEQUEL COMING SOON!

Michael POV

Jeremy hurt me. The squip is gone and that’s great and all, but the memories and scars are still there. I’m trying to forgive him, I really am. It’s hard when there’s something he doesn’t know, another level of hurt. He doesn’t know that I am (or at least was, I honestly don’t know anymore) Irretrievably in love with him. 

It started at puberty, like every does. Where I was launched into the closet the second I looked at him at my neighborhood pool. It didn’t help being best friends. Sleepovers at that time, and sometimes still, are frustrating in every sense of the world. But I knew I had to keep everything hidden. I didn’t want to lose him

I came out about two months before the squip, two months before I lost him. He was completely excepting, Like I knew he would be. But it hurt keeping the truth from him. Sure he knew I was gay now. But not who I was gay for. I had just gotten comfortable talking about my sexuality around him when it happened. When he was squipped. 

I knew about the squip at first. When he got it and that he wanted to use it to be popular, to use it to be with Christine. 

Christine Canigula, another level of pain added to my pining. She was Jeremy’s crush. Therefore she was my worst nightmare. She came here during ninth grade and Jeremy immediately caught feelings. Which he would talk to me about, and I would support him, even if it killed me. I always supported him. 

Christine didn’t end up being with Jeremy, even with the help of a supercomputer. She told him she didn’t feel the same, that she wasn’t sure she felt that way for anyone. After the squips were gone, he knew that that was the truth. So he just had to accept it.

When the Tic-Tac was gone, he finally came back . He had apologized more times than I could count. He told me that he had to try and make it up to me. That’s why we’re here, at the Olive Garden, our favorite restaurant. He described it as a ‘friend date’, which made me happy and sad. 

Right now I’m locking my beat up car and Jeremy is running to open the door for me. “You don't have to do that.” I told him as I caught up with him. “It’s my pleasure, Micah”, Damn that nickname. It still puts butterflies in my stomach. We walk in and the girl at the front seats us and asks us if we would like to sample some wine. ‘Yes’ I think, Even though this isn’t a real date, we haven’t really talked so I’m still nervous as hell. We tell her no because we know we’d get carded. She takes our drink orders and I pick up my menu. 

“Thank you for coming.” Jeremy says making me glance over the top of my menu. He’s a bit red, he was always so bashful, I can tell he’s sorry but I just don’t want to get hurt again. “I wouldn’t say no to Olive Garden.” I tell him trying to seem casual. Trying to keep the conversation light. 

“I’m serious Michael. Thank you. I just want everything to go back to normal.” 

I look back at him and put my menu down “I don’t know if that’s possible.” “I know” he says sadly the second I finish speaking. “I know I hurt you-” “No you don’t!” I take a breath “ You don’t know how it feels. You don’t know how you hurt me because I’ve never done anything like that to you!” He looks shocked that I interrupted him. I’m a little embarrassed at my outburst but he doesn't know, he seriously doesn’t know. He’s quiet now, looking down at his hands on the table. I pick up my menu and open it in silence. 

Our drinks arrive and Jeremy thanks our waitress and tells her that we’ll still need a minute on our dinner choices. She walks away and Jeremy hands me a straw. I take it and put it in my Pepsi. I take a gulp before speaking. “I’m sorry, I just don’t think you completely understand.” He looks me in the eyes. “Then help me too.” His eyes are piercing, they always were, and it always hurts me when they are sad. 

“I’ll try.” I say looking back at him. I give him a half smile. “Now: What are you having?” “Oh” he says likes he’s forgotten we’re in a restaurant. He looks down at his menu . “I don’t know, probably my usual.” “Still have that Alfredo addiction?” he gives a small laugh, “I suppose.” 

Our waitress comes back with bread sticks and Jeremy, as always, orders the Chicken Fettuccine Alfredo. I get the Lasagna. When she takes our menus and leaves, he has that constipated look on his face. The one he gets when debating if he should say something or not. “What is it?”

“What was it like? Because you’re right, I don’t know how it feels.” I take a deep breath. 

“Hell. Like pure hell. I wanted to hate you but couldn’t Instead I hated myself, I laid awake at night sobbing, wondering what I had done wrong to you to make you leave. I had no closure. It was hell.”

When I stopped talking there were tears in his eyes. 

“I’m so sorry, Micah.” He said while trying to grab my hand. I pulled away. “Don’t.” I say quietly, “You don’t know what that does to me.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ï-I’m sorry what do you mean?” he says to me. Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SEQUEL COMING SOON

Ï-I’m sorry what do you mean?” he says to me. Fuck. Why did I say that? Thankfully I don’t have to answer yet, our waitress is here, setting steaming plates on the table. All i say is¨No.¨when I'm asked if I want shredded cheese. Jeremy awkwardly finishes the interaction.

When she leaves I still don't ́t respond. I just keep my head down and shovel food into my mouth. I can feel his eyes on me.

Dinner is silent and finished quickly. While he pays for the check I go outside to start my car. For a moment I ́m alone. ¨Fucking Fuck.¨ I whisper to myself. I turn the radio on when I see him coming towards the car. Once he’s next to me and his door is closed I immediately try to switch into drive. He grabs my hand. 

̈Michael. ̈ he says turning the radio off. I refuse to look at him. ̈ ̈What did you mean?¨ 

You know what? Fine. What could it hurt at this point. 

¨I mean I ́m in love with you, dumb ass. I always have been. And then you left me. You don't get to call me ́Micah ́ or hold my hand. You don't get to make my heart stop anymore!¨

It's silent. I'm trying not to cry but the tears come out and sting my eyes anyway.. 

“Michael.”

I start the car.

A million thoughts flood my head. By the time we ́re back on the highway I'm hyperventilating. Jeremy notices and makes me pull into a shell station. 

Panicking tears are still coming out. I'm shaking and fighting for breath. Jeremy gets out of the car. Great, he left me again. Just when I think that my door opens. I feel his arms around me. 

“Michael breathe. It's okay, I promise. Everything is going to be okay.¨He whispers in my ear. My breathing slows and I finally feel air in my lungs again. 

He pulls back and looks at me. ¨I ́m sorry but, I love you too.¨ I wince at that. He looks me in the eyes. ¨I ́m in love with you too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SEQUEL COMING SOON


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What?” my voice croaks. I should be thrilled. But I’m just overwhelmed and confused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SEQUEL COMING SOON

“What?” my voice croaks. I should be thrilled. But I’m just overwhelmed and confused. 

“What do you mean?” he recoils at my response. 

“I mean I love you too. I want to be with you.” 

“You literally just left me for a super computer so you could date a girl.”  
“I-I know. I was running away. I’m bi and I was terrified of everyone being right and being gay and terrified of losing this. So i needed to be with someone. Someone other than you. And I lost you because of it.”

“You never lost me! I was always here! You were the one who left!”

“I know, fucking god I know. I regret it everyday.”

“So things didn’t work out with Christine so I’m your backup?

“No! Michael It was always you! Since last year.”

“This is too much.” I take a pause, “Get in the car. I’m taking you home. I need to process all this.” 

He looks upset but he nods. He leaves my side and walks around the car again. He’s crying. I want to comfort him but I can’t, it’s not the time. 

We get to his house after fifteen minutes of silence. He gets out of his seat, looks me in the eyes and says “I’m sorry.” before closing the door and walking into his house. 

A huge sigh escapes me. Of course I want to go run into his arms and kiss him like I’ve been picturing since age twelve. But I can’t. I have to figure this out for myself. 

I start the car and go home. 

When I get there my ina is in the kitchen. I give her a huge hug. She’s surprised but of course accepts it. “My sinta, Hard day?” I nod. She kisses my forehead. “Go get some rest, you can do your chores late,” I thank her and go down to my room in the basement.

I face plant on my bed. I love him, i do. But I need to forgive him before anything can begin. The question is how long is that going to take. I think for a while and drift off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SEQUEL COMING SOON


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s been a week since me and Jeremy talked. I’ve only received one text from him, twenty minutes ago. “Come over?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SEQUEL COMING SOON

It’s been a week since me and Jeremy talked. I’ve only received one text from him, twenty minutes ago. “Come over?” I’ve thought it over and I decided I’m going. Right now I’m pulling my hoodie over my ironic Britney Spears shirt and grabbing my phone. 

I’ve mostly filled in my moms on what’s going on and they support my decision. They’re having a late lunch when I leave the house. “Bye mom, bye ina.” They wish me luck and I start on my walk. 

Approximately seven minutes later, I’m there. And extremely nervous. I pace outside for around five minutes before I gather enough courage to knock on the door. 

Jeremy opens the door immediately, which startles me. He notices and apologizes profusely. I walk inside this house for the first time in months. We say hi to his dad and go up to his room. 

He sits on his bed. I look around and decide to sit on the far other end of the bed. 

“So…” he says after a couple of seconds. “What did you invite me over for?” I ask him trying not to waste anytime. “Well, you’re my friend, well maybe more than that, id think more than that and you said you need time to process and I’m not trying to be impatient and I_” he stops mumbling and takes a deep breath. “I just wanted to know where your head was at.” 

I let out a short sigh. “Okay. Jeremy, I love you. I have always wanted to be with you. But I need to finish forgiving you first.” He smiles at the first part, only for his face to fall at the second. “Okay, that’s fair.” He says trying to hide the obvious disappointment in his voice   
“So what now?” I ask him. “We can play Apocalypse of the Damned 2, I bought it last friday.” I agree and we lean against his bed on the floor. We start the game and play for a while. The tension slowly lets up as we get into the game.

It’s easy to get into because this game is ten times harder than the first one. We each die about twenty times before we finally beat the first boss. He hugs me as we celebrate and things start to feel almost normal again. And that hug of course gave me the chills. 

“God I missed you.” I say without thinking. He smiles so wide at that. “I missed you too, Micah. Wait am I aloud to call you that?” him asking makes me grin. “Yeah, I think you can.” He gives me another hug after I say that. It’s getting easier to be around him again. “Wanna sleep over?” I think for a second and nervously say yes. I think we’re getting back to being us again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SEQUEL COMING SOON


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, I’m staying the night at Jeremy’s. It’s funny that this is a big deal now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SEQUEL COMING SOON

So, I’m staying the night at Jeremy’s. It’s funny that this is a big deal now. We used to stay together four or five nights a week. But now, it’s different, after the squip, now that he knows I love him, after he told me he loves me too. 

We’re sitting at the table eating dinner with his dad. He made chinese food. He asks us awkward questions like “So how did you two get back together?” and “Why do you guys seem so weird today?” It’s obvious that Jeremy has clearly told him nothing, The fact that I’ve almost forgiven him is making staying over harder. I’m scared he’ll make a move. I kind of want him to make a move. But maybe it's too soon. 

We finish dinner and Jeremy helps his dad with dishes while I go upstairs to change. He still has a drawer of my things in his dresser. I take off my hoodie and take out a pair of pajama pants to put on. 

Once I’m done I turn his PlayStation to Netflix and try to find something for us to watch. It’s nice being in his bed again. It smells like him, comfy and familiar, plus its a bit bigger than mine. I decide we should try to finish the rest of Big Mouth. We were watching it together before everything happened with the squip. 

I click on the show and pause it. I grab my phone and get under the covers. I scroll through my instagram feed while I wait for him to get back, 

He’s back up in about five minutes, he grabs some of his own PJ pants and goes in his bathroom to change. 

He’d usually be comfortable changing his pants in front of me (which would always give me mini heart attacks.) But I guess now it’s different that we both know the truth. 

He comes out soon and slips into bed next to me, we nervously look at each other and then start the show. Though at least in my case, I don’t really watch it. 

I guess the same is true for him because abruptly he asks me “Is this weird?”

“Yeah” I say “But not in a bad way.”

He nods. “Can I-” He moves closer to me and lays his head on my shoulder. Butterflies. “Yeah, of course you can, Jere.” I can feel him smiling

“How can I make everything up to you?”

“I think you’re doing a pretty good job.”

We stay like this for awhile. When our episode ends he turns to look at me. “Is it okay if I sleep here? Because I’ll sleep on the ground if it would make you more comfortable.” He looks so blushy and cute. 

“Yeah, It’s okay.”

“Okay.”

By the time we go to sleep we’re full on cuddling. He has his face in the cranny of my neck. I hear him speak softly “How do I get you to forgive me?” 

I smile, “I think I already have.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SEQUEL COMING SOON

**Author's Note:**

> SEQUEL COMING SOON


End file.
